Lonely Schmonely

So, it's a Wednesday night. BOP night, if you're a University student, just a regular mid-week night if you're not. It's 20:47 and I've just put Di Caprio's Shutter Island on in an empty house. I know this is a bad choice, because having seen it before I know it is a mentally freaky movie, and therefore will freak me out when I go to bed later in my big empty house, but hey. What's a little fear every now and again?

I'm realizing tonight that it's okay to be lonely occasionally. Lonely is easier than being surrounded by people who don't really care.

lone·ly/ˈlōnlē/

Adjective:

Sad because one has no friends or company. Without companions; solitary: "passing long lonely hours looking onto the street".

I'm not sad about my loneliness, simply because I know this'll be so, SO, different one day.

I'm looking forward to waking up in the morning, and making coffee for two. 
I'm looking forward to clambering into bed in the middle of the night, sliding in next to you. 
I'm looking forward to laying here with you on the sofa.
So you should get used to be, nightly, pulling you closer. 

I don't mind being lonely, because I know this time next year everything will be completely different.
And I'm excited for it.
Lex. xxxxx

Trusting Me, Trusting You. Oh, I'm trusting you.

I trust my best friends. All of them, however admiteddly, some more than others.
There isn't anything I can do about that.

People don't always understand that when you fall for someone, part of falling for them means that you trust them, without a shadow of a doubt, and you believe them over anyone else.
That's just the way it is.
Even if they have multiple reasons (relevant or otherwise) to believe him to not be being truthful, they can scream blue murder at me, and I'm always likely to side with my person.

Just simply because no one understands the connection between two people, unless you are one of the two involved.
No one else can question it; that's just the way it is.
This is why people don't understand when I say things that they don't believe are true, they question it and I don't care,. it wont change my opinion; simply because I trust him endlessly. I'd trust him with my life.

End of chat. Sorry. :)
Lex.

A Change In Heart

Remember the girl in your college, who was quite happy to be alone, because she didn't have the time or patience to be with anyone else? That was the same girl who couldn't be bothered with other people, so she put herself first. She did pretty well, she got her grades, she knew what she was doing. She was smart. But she had particular views on relationships and love.

People who had the typical happy relationships were silly; you shouldn't put your needs second to someone like that. You should be your priority, and there is no way you can be 17 and in love.

The two don't equate. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

 

Now, that same girl, is realising maybe she was wrong. Although romance and lovey-dovey public displays of affection used to make the girl wretch, and roll her eyes at her friends - now she has a different view on the world.
A semi-typcial story of boy meets girl enables her to now be feeling things she thought never existed. Love was never real emotion, and now it's what her world revolves around. Isn't it funny, how one person, the one the world told you you weren't meant to be with, can change your whole perception on the world? 

 

My name's Alexandra, although now mainly I answer to Lex. I'm not conforming to a romantic being, or losing my initial ideas on relationships - I'm merely growing up, and learning that life can be so much better if you accept you may have to let someone in occasionally. I've met someone who is so amazing, I never thought I could feel things like this for someone. I thought I was emotionally crippled, destined to never be in love and get married due to various upbringing strategies. Now however, I can lay with the person I love and happily muse about our life together.

 

This is what growing up does to you - it makes you see things in a new light. A better light. Being 20 may be the worst idea that I have ever had, but if next year brings as many good as things as this year has, bring on 2013.

Being in love with someone teaches you that although you need to look after yourself, it teaches you foremost that someone else can matter just as much. And remember when I once said that you can't love anyone else until you love you? Not true. He loves me enough for the both of us.

 

 

Next time.

Lex.