Hair Modelling at L'Oreal ID Artist Auditions, for Caroline Schmitt.

Thursday 19^th June, 2014.
It’s six o’clock in the morning and my alarm is going off. I only fell asleep five hours ago. What is going on?

This morning, Caroline Schmitt is coming to pick me up at 6:50 for two and a half hours of hair plus half an hour of make up before a two hour drive to Bristol for her L’Oreal ID Artists Audition. It’s her audition, you say. What’s that got to do with me? I’m the Hair Model. 

‘The ID ARTIST program is now in its 10th year and is one of the most sought after development and educational opportunities for passionate, inspired hairdressers with an eye for fashion and unique creative expression. ID ARTISTS are coached by some of the industry’s biggest names on how to create the latest catwalk looks, cut and colour techniques, product innovation and the latest L’Oréal Professionnel seasonal trends.’

L’Oreal has created the best talent development program in the hairdressing world, aiming to find nurture and develop hairdressing talent through a unique mix of industry lead education sessions combined with unique hairdressing opportunities.

Having had my long brown/blonde hair dyed a copper/red brown the day before, I had been instructed not to wash it – Caroline had loaded my hair with a ‘very strong mousse’ so that when it came to styling it the next day, everything would just be a little more mouldable. Mouldable? Yes. That’s what I mean, I’m just not sure if it’s a word. 

Anyways – After arriving at the Guillaume Vappereau Salon in Otterbourne, Winchester, Caroline set about readying my hair. I won’t pretend to know, or even understand, how she created what she did especially the masterpiece that was hidden at the back; all I know is that it certainly took a while. Four bun-rings sewn together, plus two full sets of hair extensions went into the look, and my-oh-my did it weigh a lot. We’d dyed my hair to match the extensions, so it all looked natural and some of my friends who have seen the photos actually believed it all was actually my hair. I’m not sure where they think I keep the extra locks? You couldn’t hide THAT much hair in a top knot! It was all pinned in with bobby-pins/Kirby grips and multiple cans of hairspray. 

 Getting to the Radisson Blu in Bristol, where the auditions for the L’Oreal ID Artist Programme were being held, was a little hair-raising (see what I did there?) Caroline is a multi-talented hairdresser, award winning actually – French Champion, European Champion and Bronze Medalist in the World Championships, but driving is not her strongest suit. In her French car, driving at least 30KM over the speed limit at all times, we made the two/two and a half hour journey in a mere hour and fifteen minutes. She literally cut our journey in half with her ‘french’ driving.

As if the speeding wasn’t enough, I had to make the journey with a couple of extra pounds attached to my head which wobbled every speed bump and every corner we swerved. 

Here are some pictures from the day; I hope they can do most of the talking, mainly because my head still hurts from where the structure was attached. I think the look was worth it in the end, but boy was I glad to get rid of it at the end!

 

The dress, Caroline made herself, based on this year’s catwalk and looks she liked from Vogue, she styled a Primark dress into the white creation that has received so many compliments. The Black Swan-esque make up was inspired by Alexander McQueen’s catwalk and was applied by a lovely girl who had to deal with me earlier on in the day – me in my morning state, before we left Winchester. 

Overall, I had a really good experience. With various language barriers and strange eyebrow wear, the day was full of nervous laughter and congratulations for Caroline when she was accepted into the programme. The judges said they ‘were happy to end their search for ID Artists with Caroline’ – high praise indeed, but of course she deserves it. 

Congratulations again Caroline, I hope I did you proud.

What Fresh Hell Is This? A Brief Look at Dorothy Parker.

Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
and drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful,
Nooses give.
Gas smells awful,
You may as well live.
                                   Dorothy Parker – Resume (Enough Rope, 1926)

I first heard Resume when watching one of my favourite movies; Girl Interrupted (Angelina Jolie, 1999) and only recently have I learned it was a Dorothy Parker poem. Parker attempted four times to kill herself,  by means including slitting her wrists and an overdose, however death waited until all her friends were dead and blessed her with a fatal coronary on June 7, 1967.

Still, before her death in ’67, Parker was one of the most accomplished female writers of her time known for her dependency on alcohol (a result of failed marriages, miscarriages and affairs) as well as her sharp tongue and personal quotes still used today in modern culture.  Surely you have heard the phrase “What fresh hell is this?” or one of my personal favourites “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

In my research for this piece, it would seem Dorothy Parker first said “What fresh hell is this?” to a caller who had interrupted her creative flow one day.  I’m sure we’ve all had moments like that. Having liked it so much, Parker took to answering the phone like this always; another trait to add to her character of sardonic wit and quick thinking.

Her horticulture line came to her in seconds. After her career took off at Vanity Fair, where she wrote theatre criticism temporarily as a stand-in for PG Woodhouse; Parker, her close friend Robert Benchley and Robert E. Sherwood began lunching at The Algonquin Hotel on a daily basis. This spawned the birth of the Algonquin Round Table. A group of witty writers would gather, muse on life, and toss ideas to one another, competing in writing exercises. Reminiscent of many creative writing classes, one idea was that they must use a certain word in a short poem. The chosen word; horticulture. Dorothy Parker’s attempt; “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.”

I’ve chosen to look more into Dorothy Parker’s life more than her works because I supposed there must surely be some emotionally crippled, sarcastic, flippant woman of the 20’s behind her works.  Turns out I was right. Unbeknownst to her suicide attempts when I started this piece, it only intrigued me further. Why I didn’t catch on sooner, I’ll never know; with a book entitled Enough Rope (1926) you’d think that would have struck a chord? Although the chosen title of her book does pose questions, keeping her penchant for suicide in mind – is she searching for enough rope? Does she finally have enough rope? Will there ever be enough rope?