Nevermind November.

I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm selfish. My laptop's just died it's final death. No resurrection possible. (My guess, anyway.)
I'm putting off writing my Dissertation by writing this.
I'm putting off my essay about American Conspiracies by writing this.
I'm thinking of doing a Masters, which means oned ay my name might be;
Miss Lex Brookman MA
...Or something like that.

I have a meeting at 9am with my designated dissertation supervisor and I am regretting deciding to book in at 9am. Why so early?
Every monday evening with tuesdays 9am meeting looming, I sigh into bed dreading the next day. I never thought University would be like that.
I assumed thast University would inspire me and make me a better person. Okay, so it probably has, but the magic is fading.

I'm in my third year. My first semester of my third year and God only knows what I'm going to do next year if I don't do a Masters. Am I more employable with a Masters?
Can I take another year of working alongside University to pay the bills?
Can I take another year of working in the same God forsaken pub with the same people?

I have no idea.
But I do know that I don't want to have to worry about it anymore.

I need to find a place to live.
I need to find another job.
I need to talk to someone about the possibility of me getting a 2:1 on this degree.
I need to talk to someone about the possibility of me getting onto a Masters course I may actually enjoy and benefit from.
Most importantly and on top of all of that, I need to make time for my boyfriend who never stops trying to make time for me.

Winchester University SU Awards

Let me start by congratulating my housemate Demi Snape (@DemiSnape) on her award that she recieved yesterday; Fundraiser Of The Year for her work with Cure Leukaemia. Millie is Demi's cousin and is six; she was diagnosed with Leukaemia last year. Demi, being the family-girl that she is, took it upon herself to jump, freefall out of a plane with Go SkyDive. 10,000ft through the air, Demi made all her friends and her family so proud. Overall, Demi has raised just under £600, on JustGiving, towards her cousin's medical treatments as well as the same again for the Cure Leukaemia Charity.
Attending the ceremony with Demi just made us all more proud of our girl, not just for the fact that she smashed every target she set herself but also for the fact that she is being recognised for it. She desereved all the praise for what she's done both for Millie and Cure Leukaemia.
"I have loved being able to give some money to a wonderful cause,. A massive thank you goes out to Go Skydive for being absolutely incredible today and again thank you to you all for showing support for children with Cancer it means so much to me..." said Demi, on her Facebook page, on the day of her dive.

Demi is just one of my friends who are doing spectactular things on a daily basis, whether it's being promoted at work or being hired for the Entertainments, Communications and Welfare Officers through Winchester University's Student Run Elections.
As I sit on the sofa, moan about how I don't have the right flavour of Monster Energy Drink or how the next episode of Grey's Anatomy wont load on my computer I muse on all the things I could be doing, if I tried.
I want to try for things I really do, it's just the fear of failing that holds me back.
This all started last night at the Awards Show, my four friends socialising and networking with everyone, setting up meetings for the week about how to make our University a better place to be when I'm stood rocking back and forward on my Jeffery Campbell Spiked Lita's. I don't know anyone or anything...

Maybe it's time for that to change.
I'm going to try and find a pro-active hat to put on.
If I can find one in the mass of clothes, pizza boxes and Monster Energy/Stella Artois cans that is my bedroom floor.

Maybe I'll have an amazing story of my proactivity to tell you, next time.
Maybe.
Lex. X